How NOT to start a diet…

From Janet Elizabeth Henderson.

I’m a writer. And a reader. So every time I start a diet, I do what comes naturally – I buy a book about it. I’m also fat. So I do what comes naturally with that too – I eat cake while reading the diet book. And thus begins another weight loss journey…

cookbook shelves

My already bursting cookbook shelves!

Today, I bought two books to get me in the mood for dieting. I confess that I only bought the A-List book because Chris Hemsworth was on the cover. I haven’t actually opened the book yet – but it’s pretty. As for the the Doctor’s Diet book – I flicked through it while eating two walnut bran muffins. (The guy on the cover might have influenced the purchase of that book too. Yes. I am this shallow.)

As I ate and read, I congratulated myself on not buying chocolate muffins, because bran is better, right? I also walked between shops to buy the muffins and the books, and I’m counting that as today’s effort to workout – I don’t want to overdo it and become discouraged too soon. 😀

two diet books

For dinner tonight, I’m making spaghetti carbonara. For those who aren’t familiar with the recipe, it has a lot of carbs and a tonne of cream. This isn’t diet food. Even I know that. But, I’m starting gently. Some might even say “slothfully”. Today, I bought two books and took a stroll through the shops, tomorrow I’ll eat salad.

I realize this might not be the most effective diet plan on the planet. And I do honestly want to lose weight – quite a lot of weight, actually. (I might even tell you how much, if I can work up the courage!) But just the thought of counting calories/fat grams/carbs/points makes me want to boil my head in oil. Over the years, I’ve done ALL the diets. Every. Single. One. Of. Them. I am so sick of all of it. So for now, I plan to read these books, stop eating snacks between meals and move a little more each day. That’s it. That’s my great plan.

You might be wondering why I want to lose weight at all, when my beginning effort comes across as so halfhearted. Or, maybe, by now you’ve gone off to read something more interesting. (Try one of my books, they’re VERY interesting! Just sayin’…) I don’t have any medical reasons to lose weight. Although I’m built like a Scottish Hobbit, and with the same appetite, I’m healthy for a woman who’s a kick in the backside off fifty. I don’t even have a whole lot of social pressure to lose weight because I’m a writer who sits at a desk all day and lives online. Also, my family love me no matter what I look like. So motivation is hard to find some days. But, I do want to lose weight and here are my reasons:

  • I’m fed up with plus size clothes only coming in black, grey and red.
  • I’m going to the Romance Writers of America conference in July and want to dress up in something stunning. Or at least something that doesn’t only come in the “fat woman” primary colors!
  • The flight to America from New Zealand takes forty-five years and I don’t want to spend all that time with my ample backside squished into a seat designed for a six year old. Not to mention the looks you get when you ask for a seat belt extender, or the pure fear on passengers’ faces when they see you coming up the aisle and you know they’re praying you’ll sit elsewhere. (I may write another blog post on the joy of flying when plus-sized some other day, just to get it off my chest!)
  • I’m travelling after the conference with two writer friends and I want to eat everything in America without having to worry how I’m going to fit in the plane for the ride home. And I mean I want to eat ALL the food. I’m already planning my visits to the Cheesecake Factory and googling restaurants in New Orleans!
  • I want to eat out “guilt free”. I know that sounds insane when I’ve just started a diet blog, but when you’re fat, people act strangely around you when you eat out and it can really cut the enjoyment of the experience.
  • I want to set a decent example of living life to the full, having self-control and enjoying food for my daughters. (Not that they care! They both take after their Dutch father and are slim, tall and can eat cake without putting on ten pounds a slice!)
  • I want to stop eating rubbish just because I’m too lazy to cook! I worry that the amount of E numbers I eat are genetically modifying my brain, and I’ll wake up one day incapable of rational speech and only able to mumble words like: Pepsi, Cadbury, Pringles…

So those are my reasons for losing weight. As for this blog, I’m going to use to entertain myself on this latest diet. It’s six months to my America trip. That’s a lot of blog posts. Here’s hoping we survive it!

4 thoughts on “How NOT to start a diet…

  1. Good Luck ladies! I’m right along side you – although I’m trying to lose weight before the Christchurch conference (a little less glamorous than the big apple). Looking forward to following your journey.


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