A serious post from Janet.
I put weight on this week. I know why – giving in to too many sugary temptations. It’s hard to change the habits of a lifetime, and it isn’t going to happen overnight. Not only do you need to break the unconscious behavior behind a bad habit, you need to replace it with a good one. It’s hard work, and sometimes I screw it up. And sometimes, I want to give up.
To be honest, it would be so much easier to embrace being fat and to carry on eating whatever the heck I liked. All the negative aspects that go with being overweight feel like a well worn coat that fits perfectly on my shoulders. I’m used to getting unwanted and unasked for advice on diet from friends and strangers alike – even though I am sure I know more on the topic than they will ever know. I’m used to shopping for clothes and finding very little in my size – most of which I don’t even like but buy anyway, because that’s the only option. I’m used to people dismissing me because they think being fat means I’m somehow dumber than they are – and then watching their surprise when they learn that I’m well-educated and quite accomplished. I’m used to restricting what I can and can’t do because of my size – when you’re fat, you quickly learn to shrug off being excluded from any activity that has a weight restriction. I’ve learned never to eat what I want in public – because fat people get sneered at if they aren’t eating salad. I’ve learned to make jokes about myself before anyone else can get a dig in.
In short, I’ve learned to live my life around the restrictions and judgments forced upon me by society.
So why keep on trying when it would be so much easier to quit? How many times can you bounce back before your deflate all together? I don’t know the answer to the deflating question, but I do know why I keep on trying. Part of it is pure Scottish stubbornness – I won’t let this beat me! The other part is “creep”. The weight creeps on. The scale creeps up. Dress size creeps higher. Experience has taught me that my weight won’t remain the same. This might be my heaviest to date, but if I do nothing about it, next month I’ll have a new record to show for my lack of effort.
So, I bounce back. A little more deflated, but ready to try again. I have a new set of books to help me break old habits. I hired a treadmill to help me walk no matter the weather. I planned meals for the week to make sure I don’t make unwise choices when I’m rushed for time and hungry. And, because I’m a Christian, I’m praying that God will help some of this to stick. Some of these new strategies will work. Some won’t. All I can do is try again, and try again, and try again…
There are really no other options.